So many couples wish that the repair work might be done for them. They come into couples therapy hoping the therapist will quickly notice how very (very!) wrong their partner is in every way, how responsible that partner is for all the damage, distrust and ill will.
They look to the therapist to convince their partner to shape up, then sit back and wait for the therapist’s magic dust to settle and do its work.
Successful therapy, of course, requires that each partner look inward, note his/her contribution to the impasse or deteriorating relations, and begin working on changing one’s own actions and reactions.
This wonderful Conde Nast cartoon by Michael Maslin sums it up nicely.
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