Excessive parental path-charting is one of my pet peeves. I work with so many clients who struggle with the consequences of such charting: unrelenting anxiety about not being exceptional, not being the best, not being good enough, not properly achieving the “shoulds” that lead to success. I explore with them what a successful life might look like for them, and the different ways they can get there.
The “Busy” Trap (T. Kreider)
Excerpted from the New York Times opinion piece by Tim Kreider, 6.30.12)
If you live in America in the 21st century you’ve probably had to listen to a lot of people tell you how busy they are. It’s become the default response when you ask anyone how they’re doing: “Busy!” “So busy.” “Crazy busy!” It is, pretty obviously, a boast disguised as a complaint. And the stock response is a kind of congratulation: “That’s a good problem to have,” or “Better than the opposite.”
How Adversity in Childhood Affects Us in Adulthood
Commentary on the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experience) Study by Betsy McAlister Groves, MSW, LICSW
The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study, authored in 2001 by Vincent Felitti, Robert Anda, Dale Nordenberg, et al, is important research, both because of the large cohort that was studied (drawn from a non-clinical sample of 30,000 members of the Kaiser Health Plan) and for its findings of a strong relationship between risk factors established in childhood and medical problems in later life.
The Problem with “Don’ts”
Excerpted from Tell Me No Lies: How to Face the Truth and Build a Loving Marriage, by Bader & Pearson
The route to deception in a marriage [or long-term relationship] is mainly found within routine exchanges. Couples make demands upon each other and often expect things to be a certain way (their way). By laying down the law, they may inadvertently set the stage for deception. It can take only a few snippets of conversation to cue your mate to be more open or to shut up and shut down. The situation can be hard to spot because, at first glance, it looks like everyone is in agreement. Also, a rule might not be articulated until it’s been violated.
How Antidepressants Work: A New Explanation
The following selection from a recent Elle Magazine article about the use of antidepressants to improve couple relations (The Couple Who Medicates Together by Louisa Kamps 4.18.12,) offers an interesting look at how anti-depressants work.
Many of us believe that SSRIs work by correcting a simple serotonin deficiency in the brain, but scientists who study depression now mostly consider that to be “last-century thinking,” as one Harvard neuroscientist put it. The new view of how depression develops, and how antidepressants work to relieve it, revolves around stress — wear and tear, that is, in parts of the brain that regulate emotions.
Rethinking Positive Emotion (A.M. Paul)
Based on an article by Annie Murphy Paul, The Uses and Abuses of Optimism and Pessimism, in Psychology Today (11.01.11)
In recent years it feels like we’ve all been ordered to always “think positive” by an army of experts in any number of fields. Doctors inform us that optimism improves our health and helps us live longer. Corporate coaches advise us that optimistic employees earn more money and climb the career ladder more quickly. “Positive psychology” researchers produce studies showing that optimistic people are happier and have more friends.
It’s Not What You Say; It’s How You Say It (or: Counting Words)
Be careful every time you open you mouth; the way you speak (and not just the content of what you say) discloses more about your true feelings and unconscious feelings than you are aware, or even may intend. This notion drew my attention this morning, as I listened to an interview with (Univ. of Texas) linguistic psychologist James Pennebaker, speaking about his new book The Secret Life of Pronouns.
Six Blind Men and an Elephant
In the wonderful ancient Indian tale The Six Blind Men and the Elephant (made popular by 19th-century English poet John Godfrey Saxe), six blind men touch an elephant. Although each man touches the same animal, his determination of the elephant is based only on what he is able to perceive.